Things. Just. Got. Real People.... As I went grocery shopping the other day I noticed all of the Christmas decorations out and about. It hit me HARD.... Our wedding is in a month! :)
I can't believe how fast time has gone by! These past eight months of being betrothed have been amazing. There have been many great and wonderful moments as well as many extremely difficult moments but I must say that I think that this time of preparing for marriage has been some of the most fruitful, purifying and blessed moments of our lives up till now. I have grown to love my hubby-to-be more than I ever thought I could and I can not waaaaiitt to become his wife! He has been such a strong and loving man during this time that I do not know what I would do without him.
At the beginning of our betrothal journey in our relationship we made it very clear that we wanted to adamantly embrace this time preparing for marriage. We have seen the heartbreaking fall of the family in our world with its many, many, effects resulting from so many that do not realize or live out their vocation to marriage as God calls them to. We knew that God was, as He has always, called for holy marriages and we wanted to do our best to live that out.
As time continued on it became really obvious how seriously couples took the planning for the ceremony/reception and how little time that they take to plan and prepare for the actual marriage. It was literally mind boggling at times. This is one of the most important times in your LIFE! This is the VOCATION that GOD has blessed you with as a means to get to HEAVEN!... and it seems that there is little to no thought of the seriousness of that and the preparation that it/the couple deserves. Craziness I tell you! :P
I remember talking with a seminarian a few months ago about the his process to become a priest. They spend years preparing for their vocation.... YEARS! and we think that a marriage prep WEEKEND retreat is enough, if a couple even goes to one. To be honest I personally had never even heard of marriage prep classes until I moved to Texas and I'm sure that I am not the only one.
I must say that Anastacio and I can not speak highly enough about the priest that has been helping us prepare for marriage. He may have his silly moments but he is seriously one of the wisest men I have ever met! He has really help to stretch our thinking/understanding about marriage in general as well as our specific call to marriage to each other. I don't know how many times we sat there utterly confused as to what the question was that he was even asking but man, by the end of each meeting with him we would feel like we were left completely dumbfounded by the wisdom that he shared with us. I can't not encourage an engaged couple to seek out a good, holy priest for marriage prep before you get engaged or very early on so that you can take full advantage of the time spent to prepare. Try not to fall into the prideful trap that you are prepared enough and it is not necessary to seek guidance. You will get out what you put into it so take the time to put some effort into your time of preparation. It makes a world of difference! :)
As I come to an end of this random post I would like to leave you with some things (in no particular order) that we have personal felt have been a great help during the time of preparing for our marriage. I am sure that each couple has different ways or things that have helped in their time of preparing for marriage but these are some of the things that have been a big help for us. (If anyone has some other ideas I would love it if you would share. I am always open to hearing other ideas that can be helpful.)
1) Find a good holy priest that is in line with the teachings of the Church to help with your marriage prep. (sad that I have to be specific with that but unfortunately I have found that it is needed.) Not all priests are the same and not all couples are the same, that being said it may take some effort to find a priest that works best with you and your hubby/wife-to-be. (Works best does not mean makes it easy. It means really helps foster the two of you to grow spiritually and really prepare for the sacrament of marriage.) Once you find a priest that you think that will be best and will really challenge you as a couple to really prepare for marriage take advantage of the time that you have been given. Meet as often as you can. Trust me, you will not regret the time and effort put into it.
2) The Sacraments. Hopefully this is a no brainer and is already done before the engagement time. If not, there is no time like now! ;) Immerse yourself in the sacraments. Go to confession regularly (weekly or monthly if you can.). Go to Mass. Set time aside for Adoration. If you are not Catholic I would wholeheartedly and with complete love encourage you to look into the Catholic church. Words can not even come close to describing how much the sacraments will alter your life.
"The Eucharist is the Sacrament of Love; It signifies Love, It produces Love. The Eucharist is the consummation of the whole spiritual life." -Saint Thomas Aquinas
3) Pray TOGETHER often. I know it is cheesy and I know that it has been said a thousands times but it so true!.... "A couple that prays together, stays together." If you are not already praying together make a big effort to do so. Get into a habit of praying together at a certain time in the day...every day. Marriage is a big thing and it is near impossible to do alone and with out God's loving guidance. Bring Him into your marriage.
Suggestions:
-Rosary
-Chaplet
-Liturgy of the hours
-Divine office
-Prayers from the heart
-Consecrations
-Novenas
4) Communication. Communication. Communication. Can not say how important this is (especially for times of long distance.) From this moment on it is a time to continuous to grow closer together. Take time to share your thoughts, what happened during your day, your struggles, goals, etc etc. But most of all.... LISTEN. And when I mean listening I do not just mean to receive the audible sounds, I mean to really take the time to listen and hear what it is the other is trying to share with you. I feel that our world views communication as just talking and the art of listening has been thrown to the side. Show your betrothed/fiancé the respect and love that you are called to give them, as well as all others around you.
“There's a lot of difference between listening and hearing.” -G.K. Chesterton
5) Spiritual reading. This was such a comfort during this time of betrothal. (Reading the lives of the saints was especially helpful during the really tough times.) I personally found spiritual reading to be something that really helped to refocus my day on its/my purpose; to know, love, and serve God. It's only natural that in coming to a better understanding of the practical ways of doing that that it will benefit and strengthen the true charity between a couple. I'm not saying you or your betrothed will be instant saints and everything will be sheer perfection after a spiritual reading but with a true open mind/heart along with a will conformed to truth it can be a tool to help you on that journey to become one. I know for myself it really helped to come to a better understanding that becoming a saint is not for a special few but a call of us all and the saints that we know were ordinary people just like you and I.
Some books that I read during these last eight months were:
- Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love. by Dietrich Von Hildebrand
-By Love Refined-Letters to a Young Bride. by Alice Von Hildebrand
-Man and Woman: A divine Invention. by Alice Von Hildebrand
-On True Love. Short article by Alice Von Hildebrand
(I'm a big Von Hildebrand fan. jaja :) )
-Deus Cartitas Est ("God is Love"). Encyclical by Pope Benedict XVI
-St. Padre Pio: A Man of Hope. by Renzo Allegri
-Dressing with Dignity. by Colleen Hammond
-Spirit of the Liturgy. by Pope Benedict XVI
6) Get your head out of the clouds and plan out the specifics. This was one that Fr. S. opened our minds/hearts to a lot during marriage prep... getting to the specifics. We understood the purpose of marriage, we knew God was calling us to marriage, we understood theology of body, we knew we were open to life, we knew about our different love languages, about our different temperaments, about finances, about nfp, about praying together, about the sacraments.... we understood and knew the general things about marriage. Not going to lie, we felt pretty dang good going into marriage prep day one and was hit with another holy two-by-four by Fr. S. when he told us "I know, I know. but that's TOO abstract!" and would tell us to get MOOORRREEE specific. Hours later we would finally be getting into the nitty-gritty of what he was talking about and left with a homework assignment to discuss and plan out for next week.
We knew that we should pray together in marriage but when?, where?, what days?, what time?, what prayers?. What were the specifics of "praying together in our marriage"?
We knew about our finances and our budget but when would talk about our finances?, what day and time?, how often would we talk about our finances?, What specifically would be talked about?, If we had extra money what would we plan to do with it?, If we were short financially what would we do to help stretch our budget? What were the specifics of our "finances"?
We knew that we wanted to strive for holiness in our family but how? How specifically through out the day?, What was our personal soon to be family's SPECIFIC mission (To live a holy life is not specific enough.)? What was God calling our family to specifically? Each of our future children will have their own calling by God, how will we foster that SPECIFICALLY? as time goes on how specifically will we re-evaluate and altar these specifics as new things are given to us to do/strive for? etc etc.
I know that a lot of it you may think "How are you supposed to know those specific things before marriage and plan with such detail for things that probably will not go as planned. You should be more go-with-the-flow." (<---Seriously have heard this.) You would be surprised how planning like this can really aid in helping prepare for marriage, not only practically but spiritually as well. As Fr. S. would always say, "Your thinking TOO abstract! Get your head out of the clouds and think about the specifics. How are you going to make your abstract thoughts and plans a reality?"
You can think and have great ideas that you are going to heaven, that you plan on going to heaven but if you don't tackle the specifics it can become really difficult to actually do it and it may remain just a thought. :P
Anywhooooo. Those are just some things that helped us out. If they help you out too, great. If you have other ways, I'm sure those are great too. :)
One more month and it won't be a matter of it feeling real but it is going to be a reality and I am so thankful to everyone that has helped us prepare for this wonderful sacrament that will take place. It has been a time in my life that I have thoroughly enjoyed and one that will lead me to one of the happiest moments of my life. Eeee!!!! Can't wait!!! :)
ONE MORE MONTH!!!!! :D
