Fatherhood: A Lesson from the Abbey

Saint Benedict of Nursia provided a Rule that was made for monks to find holiness in leading a life that the Gospels call for. Saint Benedict established a system that was meant to be lived within an abbey. The abbey is a place of solitude, prayer, soul-searching, and finding God. I believe that most of The Rule can be applied to everyday living, but his call “[t]o obey the commands of the Abbot in all things, even though he himself (which Heaven forbid) act otherwise, mindful of that precept of the Lord: "What they say, do ye; what they do, do ye not" (Mt 23:3)”¹ seems to share a distinct relationship with a father in a household. Thus, I believe that the practice of this particular rule could lead to exponential growth of the virtues obedience and humility for all the persons within the household, including the father.

First, it is appropriate to analyze Benedict's Rule from its foundation: Sacred Scripture. Saint Benedict references the Gospel of Matthew to form this rule. The passage reads:

Then Jesus said to the crowds and the disciples, 'The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses' seat; so practice and observe whatever they tell you, but not what they do; for they preach, but do not practice. They bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by men; for they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues, and salutations in the market places, and being called rabbi by men. But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brethren. And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. Neither be called masters, for you have one master, the Christ. He who is greatest among you shall be your servant; whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted (Mt. 23:1-12, RSV).

With the Scripture as background to The Rule, it is clearly seen that this calls the onlookers to obedience and humility. The portion of the Gospel points to respect for the authority established by God in covenant with Israel and the Davidic Kingdom. This establishment moves the disciples towards an understanding of Christ's earlier message: a call to the Kingdom of God. This Kingdom, not being of this world but other-worldly, pushes the Christian to a new-found way of life.

Jesus stresses that the Pharisees must be respected despite their lack of piety and practice. Jesus, acknowledging that all the Pharisaical actions are for show, demonstrates respect is due to the Pharisees despite not listening to the call of the Lord. This manifests itself in the abbey by mirroring the respect given to the old authority of 'Moses' seat'² to the new authority of the Church through the Apostles and those who give up all things and secure for themselves a place in Heaven (cf. Mt. 19:28-30). Thus, Saint Benedict calls for an Abbot who “hates his own will,”³ as stated in the rule prior to this examined rule. This Abbot, therefore, follows a will not of his own, but rather through his prayer-life follows the Divine Will.

The relationship of the Abbot to the brothers is one of leadership whilst the God-Man does not reside with them. It is fully acknowledged that the Abbot is safeguarding their well-being spiritually and physically, and stands as the head of the community, but remains a part of the greater Church and is subject to the Lord. This prompts the motion from religious life to what is not called religious life, but very much is religious life: the domestic church. During the reign of Blessed John Paul II, the Holy Father issued the Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio. In this work, Blessed John Paul II examines the call of the family to holiness and defines the role of the Christian family: “Accordingly, the family must go back to the "beginning" of God's creative act, if it is to attain self-knowledge and self-realization in accordance with the inner truth not only of what it is but also of what it does in history. And since in God's plan it has been established as an "intimate community of life and love,"(44) the family has the mission to become more and more what it is, that is to say, a community of life and love, in an effort that will find fulfillment, as will everything created and redeemed, in the Kingdom of God. Looking at it in such a way as to reach its very roots, we must say that the essence and role of the family are in the final analysis specified by love. Hence the family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love, and this is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God's love for humanity and the love of Christ the Lord for the Church His bride.”⁴

Very much like the abbey, the family is a place where souls can learn about, find, and experience love. The love that is given is not solely of the individuals within the walls, but from the Creator Who causes all things and gives the love to be given (cf. 1 Jn 4:12-17). Thus, the brother in a religious family loves analogously to the sibling. Providentially, the Lord entrusts His children to other children of the Kingdom. It is the parental responsibility to “form a community of persons, serve life, participate in the development of society, and share in the life and mission of the Church.”⁵ Thus, with analogous community structures, it can be seen that the father is responsible to guard his wife and children as an Abbot guards his community spiritually and physically (cf. Ephesians 5:21-33).

With the given structure, the father must act with great humility and obedience understanding that he is meant to be the spiritual leader of his home. As spelled out in Saint Paul's letter to the Ephesians, the couple must be “subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and the Scripture goes on to explain how the husband is “the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (Eph 5:21-23). Thus, the father of the household, like Christ, is responsible for the salvation of his family, just as the Church is a family under the head of Christ. Therefore, the father is called to develop character in the areas of humility and obedience: listening to the Will of God and humbly acting out what he believes the Lord is leading his house to do in all things. Saint Joseph serves as a very good example of trusting in physical and spiritual matters that may be referenced as a barometer of prudence (cf. Mt 2:13-23).

As stated previously, the Lord has entrusted this man with the care of the family and ought to be considerate of all the opinions and weigh the spiritual and physical ramifications. Progressively, this structure allows for growth in obedience and humility for the mother and children. The blind assent to the father's prayer-life and union with the Father, trusting in his prudence, while also respectfully indicating feelings about decisions, is important and vital to the father's role as executor and is instrumental to the growth of humility and obedience for all parties. With these things in mind, communication and consequently unified action within the household serves to be a union of hearts, minds, and will that is on the level of supernatural.

Lastly, the rule indicates that the community must do as the teachings, in union with good conscience, call to. Thus, a father, like the Abbot who “[fulfills] daily the commandments of God by works,”⁶ must do the same in order that he leads not by commands but rather by actions and example. This shows that the actions flow from the head of the family. It is the call of the leader of the household, like the Abbot, to silently, yet resiliently carry his cross with a Christ-like habit that allows for an example for children and serves as a motivator for his wife. This is done by sanctifying the work day, whether it be schoolwork, physical labor, prayer, etc. All things must be renewed in Christ to move the Kingdom of God out into the darkness of the secular world and brighten the world to become a world both of God and Man coinciding.

Therefore, Saint Benedict's Rule can be for all. Saint Benedict established a system that was meant to be lived within an abbey, but finds itself amplifying daily life of even the domestic church. The household can become the place of solitude, prayer, soul-searching, and finding God as it is called to be. With The Rule applied to everyday living, the call “[t]o obey the commands of the [father] in all things, even though he himself (which Heaven forbid) act otherwise, mindful of that precept of the Lord: "What they say, do ye; what they do, do ye not" (Mt 23:3)”⁷ leads a household to Heaven and brings the Kingdom of God evermore to earth. Thus, with a society desperately in need of a witness, the practice of this particular rule will lead to exponential growth of the virtues obedience and humility for all the persons within the household, and possibly serve to inspire others to take up their cross and follow the Lord in all things and all states of life.

1 St. Benedict of Nursia. "The Holy Rule of Saint Benedict." http://www.documentacatholicaomnia.eu/03d/0480-0547,_Benedictus_Nursinus,_Regola,_EN.pdf (accessed February 21, 2014).

2 Ibid.

3 Ibid.

4 Blessed John Paul II. “APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION FAMILIARIS CONSORTIO.” http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-familiaris-consortio-_en.html (accessed March 13, 2014).

5 Ibid.

6 St. Benedict of Nursia. "The Holy Rule of Saint Benedict." http://www.documentacatholicaomnia.eu/03d/0480-0547,_Benedictus_Nursinus,_Regola,_EN.pdf (accessed February 21, 2014).

7 Ibid.